Cross-road

There comes many times in your life when you arrive at a cross-road. Hence, you have various options to choose, whether to turn right, left or just go straight. However, there comes only 1 or 2 times in your life when you encounter a cross road, but with no defined options. This unique situation can only make you lost, confused, seeking for guidance and more simply totally disoriented.

So here I am!!

Most probably you should be asking yourself the reason why I am at a cross-road. Alright, it fair to say that I have already bagged my degree and got a job that most engineering students here in Mauritius might be willing to do and I do not have any girlfriend to work out my mind. What is really worrying me so lately these days, is simply commitment. I am about to be committed for a long time ahead in my life.. Thus, I guess I am suffering from commitment phobia??

Browsing from the net, I found a couple of symptoms which is so surprisingly what I am indeed feeling right now:

• A feeling of uncontrollable anxiety
• Feeling that you must do everything possible to avoid commitment
• Unable to live normally because of that anxiety
• When you do realize that your fears are unreasonable or exaggerated, but yet feel so powerless to control it 

Just to cut all suspense, I am neither going to get married soon. It is plainly that I am soon going to enter a bond where I am currently working, and it will be for 5 years. It implies I cannot leave my current job and if ever I did, I have a fine of Rs300,000 to pay to the company. Yes, now I am sure you understand the situation I am currently in.

So for the past 5 months I have been working, I have always been convincing myself, I will keep applying elsewhere and as soon as i get a new opportunity, I will escape this bond. But alas, it did not happen and I think I am destined to be stuck here for the next 5 years! Is it really that bad to have a secured job? What am I honestly afraid of??

I have always, since doing my BEng Mechanical Engineering, dreamt of completing my registration process and hence be recognized as a professional engineer. However, where I am currently working, the chances I complete it is particularly limited. That is  my first fear. In terms of goals set up for the next 5 years, I will be missing out on this for sure. Honestly, am I not simply overreacting??

More than this, I think my biggest apprehension is simply the possibility of missing out on a better offer. I strongly believe it all narrows down to this. You always have the dream of doing a hype job, landing a managerial position as soon as possible in your career, the possibility to have a high social status quickly. Presumably, I guess this is another factor since working on public holidays, weekends and night shifts do not guarantee you for sure a high social status! 

On the other side of the coin, I think engineering is such a huge sector and it is something you definitely do not master it within your 4 years of studies. Hence, as my uncle has repeatedly been telling me, the coming five years is simply an investment for my future career. Do not worry about money, do not worry about social status. I should only take it as a further step to my academic studies, learn and grasp as much knowledge as you can and later on it will reap benefits when applying for other jobs. I should admit I did complain a lot of my situation to people around and I was taken aback that many people thought that I was indeed over reacting. The job market is particularly not healthy at present and at the bottom of it, having such a huge company on my CV can only be beneficial eventually.

Yes, I do agree whatever people has been telling me is right. They are totally correct on all lines. But, believe me, it is not that easy..to commit! Elsewhere, when you are finding people from your batches earning much more than you are earning now, it indeed creates an atmosphere of frustration! It is not easy. I know I will be very much ill at ease during the next 6 days, I can't help it. It is really freaking me out!!!! To cap it all, I do not have another job offer in pipeline.

So here I am at a cross-road with no defined destination. Should I leave or should I stay? Should I just be happy to know I have a job and earning enough money for myself and my family? What about my further studies? What about some unaccomplished dreams yet??

I guess I will find all answers to my questions on April 1st and I hope I will not be fooled on that day!